Personal Meditation No. 79

"Start worrying about yourself. If you don't invest in your own life, then why would anyone else choose to invest in your life either."

Embrace the Within.

I have enough to worry about in my own life journey of growth toward freedom. I have a barrel I’m working on building for myself and my family. A way of living that relies on my problem-solving and my research.

I don’t have time to worry about everything else. But somehow, I always find the time here and there to let those worries inside. It’s nearly impossible to live a life outside of that of a hermit and not get infected with some of the worries of the world. Even a recluse like me that spends as much time as possible at home, I interact with people and my family interacts with people and the worries of the world creep into our lives.

Worry is good when you can control the problem. When I’m worried I don’t quite know how to do something, I can find the answer. When I worry about a problem with squash bugs, I can do some research and learn some new methods. When I worry about a tremendous rabbit population gone unchecked, I can find a solution in building more cages from dog cages with a few alterations. If I can control the problem that I worry about, then I can find a cure for worry.

What I find is folks infecting their worries about things they can’t control into myself and my family. It’s almost like worry and fear are a competition. Folks worry about governments, corporations, religions, agendas, diseases, cultures, weather, and just about anything they can be told to worry about.

But the worry never seems to be worrying about your food, your mind, or your health. The worry is never about things you can control. The worry isn’t about why I feel like garbage. The worry isn’t about why I think like garbage. The worry isn’t about why my life is garbage. Those things are what we should be worrying about because those are things we at least can control.

I made a choice to change the way I looked at life. I was tired of worrying about everything else. I was tired of blaming everything else. I was tired because it was exhausting. There is only so much worry you can process in a day until it overloads everything meaningful in your life. The worry becomes your identity. And I was that identity. And it is taking some time to get away from that mindset. To get away from that rut.

Do I still find myself eating, thinking, and living like garbage? Of course. I slip and give in at times. I’ll eat something unhealthy that is processed or sugary. I’ll find myself in conversations about trivial matters like government and politics. I’ll find myself feeling like my life isn’t going quite as perfectly as I wanted. But, hey, that’s life. I am not going to get better at it by not trying. I wasn’t born perfect and I’m not going to die perfect, however, I am going to live working on me.

And I think that’s a good enough goal for every day. Not trying to be perfect. Not trying to always have the answer. Not trying to always attain some loft goal. Just simply putting in the work on me. And if you like putting in the work on you, as well, then know I respect that journey.

Life is too wonderful to worry about people that aren’t putting in the work. It’s not worth the time worrying about them. Worry about yourself.

Have the day you want. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.

#ThinkBetter #BeBetter #MyBodyMyChoice #MakeYourselfGreatAgain