Personal Meditation no. 192

“There is a lot to be thankful for if you know how to look. There is a lot to be angry about if you fail to look correctly.”

Embrace the Within.

I do not understand how folks can awaken everyday to the beauty and splendor of being alive and choose anger, violence, and hatred. I wake up and want to do better. I hope you do as well.

BUT, you are going to find that many folks are out there just trying to figure it all out with blindfolds and earbuds on them to shut out the beauty and the joy and the abundance and to focus on that echo chamber. I feel sorry for them and I pray for them to see and listen.

I see folks that hate their lives walking around on replay and looking like the better part of them died. I was once like that. I once had to start a pot of coffee and smoke a few cigarettes in order to get ready for the day. I once had to start another pot of coffee after my commute of smoking several cigarettes to animate myself through a day. BUT, I never hated my job. I enjoy teaching and I get excited about doing it every day. I am going to teach here, there, and everywhere. That is what I do.

What I did hate was the way I felt and it spiraled and swirled and churned and fermented and worsened until the fourteen days. And the fourteen days were enough for me to hit the reset button. It was about time to go back to factory resets and get this thing figured out. I needed a hard reboot to get myself back on track. I was slowly getting back to the person I was in middle school. I was watching wrasslin again. I was reading comic books again and watching the comic book movies I always dreamed about. I was back in the video game realm and playing games that looked better than I could have ever dreamed about when I was in middle school. I returned to reading what I wanted to read and learning for the sake of learning. I was getting thankful for the life of going to church every week and learning the stories and lessons of the Bible. I was getting back to being what made me into me.

And I didn’t get there by choosing anger, violence, and hatred. I got here today by choosing to no longer be angry about everything that happened in my life. I could have chosen to get angry about all the authoritarian evils of the fourteen days. I could have chosen to act out like a child and choose violence when things were said about me or my beliefs. I could have chosen to hate the people that did not understand where I was going with my journey and that insulted me or blocked me or threatened me. I could easily choose those things today. And I did consider those things as acceptable fourteen days ago. I was ready to be angry about the government BUT I chose to work on me. I was ready to be violent about change BUT I chose to work on me. I was ready to hate my neighbor BUT I chose to work on me. And God chose to work on me as well. Those are things to be thankful about yesterday, today, and forever.

This week we are reading a portion of Maya Angelou’s book I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and there is a part during Marguerite’s graduation where she considers that she never thought she would make it to graduation. She always thought some random accident would happen to prevent that day from happening and despite all that she has seen in life she thanks God for delivering her to that spot. I think we get fatalistic like Marguerite sometimes. I know that I used to think that good things were not meant for me because of the government I lived within, because of the society I lived within, because of the culture I lived within . . . BUT focusing on what I could control changed all that.I am thankful that in spite of all that I have lived in my life that I get the chance to change. Just like Marguerite sitting on that stage, I get to be thankful for being where I am today.

There is a lot to be thankful about today in my life or there is a lot to be angry, violent, and hateful about in my life. I get to decide for myself how I am going to see it.

Have the day you want. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.

#ThinkBetter #BeBetter #NoGodsNoMasters #MyBodyMyChoice #MakeYourselfGreatAgain #EmbracetheWithin