Personal Meditation no. 192

“There is a lot to be thankful for if you know how to look. There is a lot to be angry about if you fail to look correctly.”

Embrace the Within.

I do not understand how folks can awaken everyday to the beauty and splendor of being alive and choose anger, violence, and hatred. I wake up and want to do better. I hope you do as well.

BUT, you are going to find that many folks are out there just trying to figure it all out with blindfolds and earbuds on them to shut out the beauty and the joy and the abundance and to focus on that echo chamber. I feel sorry for them and I pray for them to see and listen.

I see folks that hate their lives walking around on replay and looking like the better part of them died. I was once like that. I once had to start a pot of coffee and smoke a few cigarettes in order to get ready for the day. I once had to start another pot of coffee after my commute of smoking several cigarettes to animate myself through a day. BUT, I never hated my job. I enjoy teaching and I get excited about doing it every day. I am going to teach here, there, and everywhere. That is what I do.

What I did hate was the way I felt and it spiraled and swirled and churned and fermented and worsened until the fourteen days. And the fourteen days were enough for me to hit the reset button. It was about time to go back to factory resets and get this thing figured out. I needed a hard reboot to get myself back on track. I was slowly getting back to the person I was in middle school. I was watching wrasslin again. I was reading comic books again and watching the comic book movies I always dreamed about. I was back in the video game realm and playing games that looked better than I could have ever dreamed about when I was in middle school. I returned to reading what I wanted to read and learning for the sake of learning. I was getting thankful for the life of going to church every week and learning the stories and lessons of the Bible. I was getting back to being what made me into me.

And I didn’t get there by choosing anger, violence, and hatred. I got here today by choosing to no longer be angry about everything that happened in my life. I could have chosen to get angry about all the authoritarian evils of the fourteen days. I could have chosen to act out like a child and choose violence when things were said about me or my beliefs. I could have chosen to hate the people that did not understand where I was going with my journey and that insulted me or blocked me or threatened me. I could easily choose those things today. And I did consider those things as acceptable fourteen days ago. I was ready to be angry about the government BUT I chose to work on me. I was ready to be violent about change BUT I chose to work on me. I was ready to hate my neighbor BUT I chose to work on me. And God chose to work on me as well. Those are things to be thankful about yesterday, today, and forever.

This week we are reading a portion of Maya Angelou’s book I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and there is a part during Marguerite’s graduation where she considers that she never thought she would make it to graduation. She always thought some random accident would happen to prevent that day from happening and despite all that she has seen in life she thanks God for delivering her to that spot. I think we get fatalistic like Marguerite sometimes. I know that I used to think that good things were not meant for me because of the government I lived within, because of the society I lived within, because of the culture I lived within . . . BUT focusing on what I could control changed all that.I am thankful that in spite of all that I have lived in my life that I get the chance to change. Just like Marguerite sitting on that stage, I get to be thankful for being where I am today.

There is a lot to be thankful about today in my life or there is a lot to be angry, violent, and hateful about in my life. I get to decide for myself how I am going to see it.

Have the day you want. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.

#ThinkBetter #BeBetter #NoGodsNoMasters #MyBodyMyChoice #MakeYourselfGreatAgain #EmbracetheWithin

Personal Meditation no. 191

“Your beliefs are your actions. What you say is just what you think.”

Embrace the Within.

This world is sick and miserable. Folks talk about things and use ironic wording that exposes their true hearts and beliefs. I got a long way with being principled. Looking at the world through a strict interpretation of Mosaic Law and using that basis on property rights got me a long way. I had no idea until I started going through Leviticus just how cumbersome and difficult the laws were for those people just recently freed from enslavement. In Exodus those folks wanted to go back into Egypt and back into enslavement because they thought it was easier than wandering in the wilderness. Then the Mosaic Laws in Leviticus enumerated everything that was to be done in great detail and I am sure those same folks were looking back at Egypt and thinking that was the better choice.

I know that working on myself always has me looking back over my shoulder to the days when things were easier. It was a lot easier for me to not work on my diet. It was a lot easier for me not to plan my meals. It was a lot easier for me not to work out. It was a lot easier for me not to write in the morning. It was a lot easier for me not to read and think. It was a lot easier to be enslaved. Freedom is always the difficult choice.

Your actions determine what you believe. Your words are just there to make you feel better about the choices you make. I could talk a good game about being better principled and thinking more deeply about things BUT I was only fooling myself. I wasn’t aligned in word and action. I was just walking around bashing what I judged foolish. And I was never out of company for doing such. There was always someone willing to punch back. There are always plenty of people to meet you in a struggle to the bottom BUT there are very few to join you when you start working on being better. I can see it from the peace I have these days online and in life. Even unbelievers cannot argue with results.

And today there are going to be a lot of folks that say things that do not line up with their actions. They will talk about protecting the vulnerable and then act to hurt the vulnerable. They will talk about their choice and limit your choice. They will talk about peace and advocate for murder. They will talk about love and harbor a heart of hatred. And it is not my job to judge them BUT it is my job to not fall for their bullshit. It is my job to know that what you do means a whole lot more than what you say to get likes, to get votes, to get clicks, to get air time, to get ratings, to get paid.

They had a story I heard about very briefly about posting what folks said when they thought no one was looking and how upset folks got about posting the terrible things they said. Imagine getting angry at others for pointing out your failings? I enjoy the introspection and reflection of looking back over these fourteen days of posts and seeing where I have grown and changed. BUT I have a heart committed to changing. I have a soul committed to growth. I have a body committed to healing. I have a mind committed to learning. And I hope my actions, I pray my actions, I believe my actions over the past fourteen days are showing that.

And there is nothing more valuable for me than being able to see those actions continue. I can see my commitment to health and sustainability continue to grow. I can feel that the path is working because I feel better, outside of the restraints on my free urination after drinking over a gallon of salted water daily, BUT I feel better than I can remember in a long time. I am enjoying the growth and the change and the knowledge that comes from the action. I am no longer looking back to Egypt and enslavement. I am looking forward to what is promised.

Have the day you want. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.

#ThinkBetter #BeBetter #NoGodsNoMasters #MyBodyMyChoice #MakeYourselfGreatAgain #EmbracetheWithin