Discipling the Undisciplined no. 11

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell” (Matthew 5:27-30). As if anger was not enough to talk about, today it is lust. And Jesus says it is better to cut out the physical part of our body rather than suffer the consequences of our sin. And, let’s face it, the problem is not in the body but entirely in the mind. It’s a mindset that sees other people as objects that leads to lust and adultery.

About half of first marriages end in divorce and second and third marriages fail at an even higher rate. And that is a heart issue. Jesus makes an important point about fixing the problem and uses a metaphor that involves removing an eye or a hand. BUT the problem that needs fixing is the heart. In a society and culture focused on individualism and immediacy, the desire to sacrifice self and serve is often seen as old fashioned and outdated. BUT we have a problem with the heart of our culture and no amount of amputation is going to get at the root. We need Jesus.

Just like the problem with anger and violence, the problem with lust and adultery is an issue with our hearts. And some of that follows into our relationship, or lack of a relationship, with God. Our unhealthy hearts are leading us into unhealthy relationships and we lack the tools and experience to work out our problems in relation with others. Our unhealthy hearts are leading us to escape. And there are so many ways to satisfy that immediate need in our hearts. 

So, no, I don’t think Jesus wants us to cut out our eyes or remove our hands BUT rather to change our hearts. For too long we have allowed Babylon’s values to creep into our hearts disguised as doctrine. The church has allowed ourselves to become co-opted by the culture in which it resides. Instead, the church needs to do better in supporting and modeling healthy sexuality. And that doesn’t mean these ridiculously perfect looking marriages that set unrealistic goals for our youth. It means couples that struggle talking about how messy life really is and the struggles of sharing life together. This idol of the perfect Christian marriage is doing much more damage than good. And just like Jesus gives us grace, we need to show that grace to ourselves, our spouses, and our youth when they make mistakes. That doesn’t mean we sweep problems under the rug and pretend that problems do not exist in Christian marriages. This idea that Christians do not struggle is not helpful. So, let us all be realistic about the difficulty of working life together. Let’s not minimize the commitment and make it sound like a fairy tale. Fairy tales are not reality. Too often we are ready to crucify those that are lusting rather than work with some of the real problems Christians have in talking about being a human and being sexual as well. The time for burying those problems is long past gone. And we need to feel that there are places where we can be vulnerable enough to be honest. And if The Church does not give us a place to be honest and do the hard work of life together without condemnation and grace, then I don’t know how any of us are going to change our hearts. We need The Church to be a place to help us when we face these problems and help us overcome them. That is the great strength of working together that we need more of today rather than the judgment of Pharisees that live spotless and sinless lives.  

Grace and Shalom to your home. 

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